Wake Me Up
by Dhiannn
Summary: With the NFL Draft just around the corner you'd think Finn Hudson would be happy, but the rest of his life is a mess and he can't stop thinking about Rachel Berry. When they're brought together a second time will they fix the mistakes of their past?
1. Strawberries and Lilacs

**A/N: **This story is going to seem a little disjointed at first, but that's kind of how Finn feels right now, so I hope you stick with it, because it'll all make more and more sense with each chapter. This is mostly unbeta'd so all mistakes are mine. Much love for Abbie, Jamie, and the few followers I have for always encouraging me write.

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><p>He shoves another piece of hot crispy bacon into his mouth as she wraps one of her slender arms around him. "Sit down, it's not going anywhere, I promise." He felt her press her body to his, her breasts on his back.<p>

He shook his head and focused on his food. Breakfast for dinner. Sometimes he wondered how she could clue in on exactly what he wanted. "I don't think I can actually move my legs to sit down right now," she nodded, understanding.

"I felt the same way all the time after cheerleading," Quinn replied practically speaking into his back. "I already miss it though. Not that I want to be a professional cheerleader or anything, it was just... fun." Her hand slowly slid her way down his stomach. "Guess I have to settle for cheering for you on the sidelines, huh?" He could practically hear the smile in her voice and it made him smile despite himself. "Promise you won't forget me when you get rich and famous." She cupped him through his jeans and he groaned dropping his fork.

He let himself lean back into her a little before he spoke again, "It's just one agent, Quinn. I'm not sure if I'm going to sign with him. Hell, I'm not even sure I'll ever need one." He knows she's not listening to her protests as she moves to undo his belt buckle. His hand hesitates above hers before going slack, he knew what he was getting into when he let her in. Besides, as soon as she's on her tiptoes licking that spot behind his ear he's totally lost his ability to speak. Her hand slips between his boxers stroking him until he's fully hard.

He hated her. He hated the way she had somehow snuck back into his life and grabbed hold of him.

He hated himself for letting it happen. Probably more.

Definitely more.

Somehow they end up in his room and Quinn shuts the door behind them leaving them in total darkness. Neither reaches for the light switch, they never do. Her lips are pressed to his and he's cupping her cheek lightly with his hand, inhaling the scent of strawberry shampoo. Her hands roughly grab onto his shirt as she pulls the two of them down onto the bed. They kiss heatedly as her small body writhes under his. They don't speak, they never speak.

She pushes a hand against his chest and he pulls away from her falling back on his knees. Quinn hastily pulls off her sundress and throws it near the nightstand. Finn does the same with his shirt, his pants already forgotten in the kitchen. Even in the dark Finn easily removes her bra, lightly skimming his fingers across her back. She moans and grabs the back of his neck pulling him down to kiss her.

Before their lips meet he pulls away and Quinn whimpers confused. The next sound out of her mouth is a gasp as Finn's hot mouth takes in her hard nipple.

In the darkness Finn imagines her. Her nails digging into his back as he sucks and nibbles. Milk chocolate. Her nipples are the same color of milk chocolate and he thinks that he may never be able to look at chocolate the same. He massages her breast with one hand as the other grips her tan thigh. They grind onto each other roughly like horny teenagers. Everything is hot and moist and their movements seem more fevered than usual.

She arches her body and pants heavily. He knows what she wants. His hand slips between their bodies and he pushes his way past the cotton barrier flicking his thumb against her a few times before she easily becomes undone.

She's catching her breath and he's fumbling to get his boxers off as he walks to the dresser to grab a condom. He keeps them across the room as some sort of precautionary measure. He hopes the loss of contact will help him from thinking with the wrong head, but it never works.

He puts the condom on as he walks back, he kisses her hip and climbs on top of her. She spreads her legs for him eagerly and he plunges in roughly. A strangled moan comes out of her as she wraps her arms around his neck pulling him in closer. His thrusts are fast and hard, his mouth latched to her neck, then arms, then chest. He knows it'll leave a mark, but he doesn't care, she's his and she'll wear them proudly.

She comes and he pictures her face, flushed, swollen lips, hair matted to her forehead. In his mind she's beautiful and as he comes, as always he says her name, "Rachel."

Finn rolls off of her and feels the bed sag toward his side as Quinn gets up.

He wonders who she thinks about on these nights.

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><p>He sees perfectly polished red toenails attached to a dainty foot, in his head she corrects <em>Thrill of Brazil<em> she calls it. A long pale leg, pressed against Puck's chest. He's got his hand wrapped around her ankle and he looks like he's about to let his hand keep wandering up. "Puck, I said stop," her tone is both firm and playful. He looks like he's fucking her with his eyes and it disgusts Finn.

Finn closes his door behind him loudly and both of them sit up straight on the couch. Kristy turns her head and her green eyes flash at him. "Finn, you're up!"

Puck's less enthusiastic about the arrival of his best friend. He nods his head, "hey dude." Finn nodded back and started toward the kitchen.

"I was going to make us breakfast this morning, but someone cooked all the bacon last night," Kristy's arm sat lazily on the armrest.

"Sorry, practice was long and I was really hungry. I'll pick some up later today." Finn grabbed a box of cereal from the cabinets and poured himself a bowl as he shouted toward the living room.

Kristy stepped in a moment later. She wore two white tank tops layered over each other and some pink striped shorts. They ridden up on the couch without her noticing and he briefly wondered if she was wearing any underwear at all. She dropped a stack of letters on the table next to him and grabbed her long red hair, twisting it into a bun before tying it back. Finn stared deeply into his bowl of Cheerios as if hoping to find something at the bottom. Kristy pulled out the chair next to him and folded her legs in his direction. She watched him for a moment as if waiting for him to say something, anything.

She pushed the envelopes closer to him, "Your mail has been piling up." He grunted at her as he continued to eat. "How was camp?"

Despite the sour mood he was determined to stay in today he smiled at her, "it was great, but stop calling it camp. It's the NFL Scouting Combine."

"A bunch of guys playing games and trying to outdo each other. That sounds like camp to me." She reached forward and mussed up his hair. He ducked his head trying to avoid her hand and they both laughed for a moment.

Then he smelled it and his stomach churned and his head shot up. "What's that smell?" She missed his serious look and shoved him hard on the shoulder.

"Hey, I will have you know I took a shower last night before I went to bed, and these clothes are clean."

He shook his head staring off into nothingness as he tried to discern where it came from. "It - it smells more like flowers." _Lilac_ he thinks.

Kristy looks down at her painted toes as if they were the most fascinating things they'd ever seen. "I think it was something in your mail."

He pulls off one letter, then another, and by the time he gets to the sickeningly cute postcard Puck has appeared in the doorway. He's slouched against the doorway. He's trying to seem casual, but his body is tense. Finn looks down at the card again, drenched in that sickening ly sweet scent, her scent. It's black and white and two children no more than four are walking hand in hand. The girl wears a light sundress and the boy wears overalls, both wear hats and he wonders who the hell decided a picture like this was supposed to be used to convey things like love. They're four for Christ's sake.

When he flips the card over his heart stops. He's absolutely positive his heart has actually stopped because everything has gone completely silent.

_SAVE THE DATE_

_for the wedding of_

_Ms. Quinn Fabray and Dr. Aaron O'Malley_

_Saturday, September 17th_

_Lima, Ohio_


	2. Express Yourself

**a/n: This hasn't been updated in forever! Thanks for hanging in there, and here's your next installment. ****This story is going in a slightly different direction than planned. These vignettes will follow Finn throughout college (with some high school flashbacks) and won't necessarily be in chronological order. This one is set Junior year and is unbeta'd so all the screw ups are mine. Comments and criticism welcome. Also I will be writing the final chapter to Secret Base sometime VERY soon!**

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><p>She watches as he studies his playbook on their couch, his face furrowed in deep concentration. He handsome and broad shouldered and everything a man should be. She realizes then that he'll always own a piece of her heart and somehow it makes what she's about to do to him that much easier.<p>

She knows how invested he is in what he's doing, so she slowly lowers herself onto the couch, her knee crumpling under her body as she faces him. She doesn't want to pull him away from the work he's doing, not for this, but it needs to be done.

Finn sees a flash of red in his peripheral but ignores it. She's quiet. She's never quiet. He's not sure what's going on, but he knows it can't be good. He swallows nervously and tries to memorize what's in front of him. Mentally putting players in their place, watching the follow through, tries to imagine the crowd cheering them on, but his thoughts are interrupted when she clears her throat.

He sets the book down in his lap and gives her a warm smile. She smiles back, but it doesn't reach her eyes. He thinks of Rachel and West Side story.

_He's thumbing through one of Rachel's magazine's and he has no idea why. Okay, so he has a little bit of an idea. That super hot chick with the accent from Modern Family is on the cover and he's kinda hoping to see more pictures. He knows he's not looking at a Playboy, or even a Sports Illustrated, but there's always the chance there might be a little skin, isn't there?_

_Besides, Rachel invited him over to help her practice for West Side Story and he's not even being utilized. Their not running lines or practicing any kissing (which was what he was really hoping for). _

"_Finn! Pay attention." She says sternly looking at him through the reflection of the mirror in her vanity. _

"_Babe, I am-" he's not, "Okay, I would be if I knew what the heck we were doing."_

"_I'm smiling." He laughs because she actually looks quite miffed at him, which is so not smiling. "I'm serious Finn, which one makes me look more genuinely happy." She turns around in her seat and models smiles for him, some warm, some toothy. Some excited, others weary. He sees it. Sees everything she's trying to convey to him and he wonders how she ever doubted herself. She's Rachel Berry, and Broadway doesn't stand a chance."_

"_You're beautiful." He doesn't mean to say it, it just slips past his lips. He likes it though because Rachel smiles again and her cheeks tinge red and he knows this smile is just for him. "I - you're really good at that."_

_She tucks some hair behind her ear, she doesn't need to, but she uses it as an excuse to hide behind her hand for a moment as she turns back to the mirror. "Thank you. It's all about the eyes. I mean of course other things matter, but unless people can see it in your eyes they know you're not fully committed."_

_He nods and watches awe as Rachel begins her vocal exercises. He wants to be as good at something, really good. Rachel good. Maybe then his life would have direction._

"Finn-"

"I was thinking maybe we could order Thai tonight. I'll go pick it up and stop at that bubble tea place you like so much -"

"Finn-"

"Oh! And the Redbox outside the CVS, that movie you wanted to see came out this week. What's it called again?

"Finn! Stop it. We need to talk."

Finn rolls his eyes and slams his book down on the coffee table as he stands up. Kristy practically jumps out of her seat and watches him, eyes wide, almost afraid.

He wants to apologize, but never in the history of anything were the words 'we need to talk' a good thing. He's hurt, he's angry, so angry. He's never been anything to her but a great boyfriend. He knows that.

"Finn, do you love me?" Her green eyes look at him, pleading.

"You said I didn't have to say it. You said it didn't matter. That when I was there, when I was ready-"

"I know what I said Finn, but... Fuck. I don't know. Sometimes people just say shit because they know they're supposed to say it."

He wonders which one of them she's talking about, but there's a knot in his stomach and he wants to cry and throw up, but most of all he doesn't want to lose her because she's become this huge part of his life and he does love her, he really does.

Just not the way she wants him to.

He lets his defenses down and just looks at her, he wants so badly for her to be happy. "I love you," He says as he sits back down next to her. He cups her face in his hand and she tries to squirm away, but he kisses her in earnest.

He loves the way her lips always taste like roses. He loves that she's an even worse dancer than he is, but loves to go dancing anyway. He loves that she can hold her liquor better than Puck. He loves that she tells everyone about him. He loves that she loves him so unconditionally.

So why can't he just love her?

She pulls away, her eyes are closed and her lips are already swollen. She breathes in deeply savoring this moment, their last moment.

"Finn... this is over."

It hurts. It hurts so much more than he thought it would. He wants her. He needs her.

Or maybe he just needs to special. To feel like he means something to someone. To feel like he means everything. The way he felt every day of his life with Rachel.

He looks to her, tears welling in his eyes, "Maybe it's just not our time. Maybe... maybe one day we'll find each other again."

She smiles, nods, and looks away.

They both know they're lying.


End file.
